“I’m not going to apologize for things that need no apology.” — Paul Auster
Studies show that the average person says "I'm sorry" 8–10 times per day. That adds up to more than 3,000 apologies a year. But how many of those apologies are truly necessary?
As a society, we've developed a reflex to say sorry for things that don't actually require an apology. Whether it's mishearing someone, taking a moment for ourselves, or simply having human imperfections, we often apologize not because we've done something wrong, but because we've been conditioned to smooth over discomfort. But chronic apologizing can backfire—weakening our confidence, diminishing the weight of sincere apologies, and blurring healthy boundaries.
Here are five things you don't need to apologize for—and why stepping back from over-apologizing can support your mental and emotional well-being.
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Taking Time for Yourself
Self-care isn't selfish—it's vital. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, engaging in self-care activities can reduce stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase energy. Whether it's a mani-pedi, a solo gym session, or rewatching your favorite show, time spent on your own needs is time well spent. Taking care of yourself helps you show up more fully for others. You don't need to say sorry for protecting your energy or prioritizing rest.
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Prioritizing What Matters to You
You can't be everywhere or everything to everyone. Choosing to attend your sister's wedding over a coworker's baby shower doesn't mean you're a bad friend or colleague—it means you're honoring what matters most to you in that moment. The National Institute of Mental Health also advises setting personal goals and learning to say "no" as a way to manage stress and avoid burnout. Prioritizing is not rejection—it's strategy, and there's no apology required.
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Setting Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. As HelpGuide.org notes, boundaries help protect your emotional and physical well-being and prevent resentment or burnout. Saying no to something that makes you uncomfortable, declining a request that oversteps your limits, or simply needing space is not wrong—it's healthy. You're allowed to protect your peace. Setting boundaries isn't rude; it's respectful—to yourself and others.
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Being Imperfect
We all have flaws. Whether it's a physical feature you wish you could change or an area of personal growth you're working on, imperfection is part of being human. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, reminds us that self-kindness and understanding our common humanity are crucial for emotional well-being. When we apologize for being imperfect, we're reinforcing shame. Instead, lean into compassion. You're allowed to be a work in progress.
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Other People’s Behavior or Choices
You are not responsible for how others act. While you can influence, support, or empathize with someone, their behavior is their own. As noted by Heartfelt Online Therapy, confusing influence with responsibility can lead to guilt, anxiety, and codependency. Apologizing for someone else's actions only reinforces the idea that you're somehow to blame. You're not. You can acknowledge someone else’s feelings without owning their choices.
Next time you feel the urge to apologize, pause and ask yourself: Is this really something I need to say sorry for?
Apologies should be intentional, not automatic. When used wisely, they hold power and build trust. When overused, they dilute your voice and minimize your needs.
If setting boundaries, building self-compassion, or breaking habits like over-apologizing feels difficult, you're not alone. At GROW Counseling, we help clients in Atlanta, Alpharetta, and Peachtree City unlearn patterns that no longer serve them—and replace them with healthier ways of relating.
Reach out to us if you’d like support in navigating communication, self-worth, or boundary-setting. We're here to help you use your voice with confidence and care.