Many couples overtime may find themselves in a sexless marriage. There are usually many contributing factors to a sexless marriage that the couple may be unaware of. Some of these factors may include relationship dissatisfaction, medical conditions, exhaustion, busy schedules, boredom or decreased physical attraction.
Regardless of the reasons that’s lead to a sexless marriage, human beings are wired to have sexual desires and it’s usually one of the most important emotional needs in the couples I see.
When there is less sex in a marriage, it can lead to a decreased overall intimacy between the couple, leaving the couple feeling disconnected, alone and more like roommates. Below are some essential strategies to revive your sexless marriage:
- Talk about it – Although it may be awkward to talk about your sexless marriage with your partner, it’s the most important step you can take to revive your sexless marriage. Plan to start this conversation when you are calm and open minded versus angry and critical. Use “I” statements to convey to your partner your sexual desires and ask them if they would be willing to engage in this conversation with you to help you both get what you need.
- Romance each other – Romance each other daily by gentle touches, verbal compliments or sexy text messages throughout the day. Schedule weekly date nights to include stimulating conversations about how much you love and desire each other. Especially for women, sexual desire starts with romancing the mind which can lead to increased sexual desire.
- Make time for it – Now days individuals are busy with work, kids, family, friend and church obligations. Many times sex is last on your list and it gets pushed back until the next day, week or month. One strategy would be to schedule sex dates. It may not sound sexy but give it a try. Even if you don’t feel like it, research on sexual desire reveals that your body will eventually respond to the sexual stimulation and can lead to a very passionate experience.
- Try something different – Monotony and boredom are commonly reported among the couples I see that contributes to a sexless marriage. Revive your sex life by trying something different. This could be a different sexual position, a different place or time. Explore what you used to do in the past when your sex life was “hot and heavy” and revive those special tricks.
- Get help – A sexless marriage can be caused by more serious issues like adultery, emotional abuse or depression. Seeking a therapist will be essential in your process to restore emotional safety and revive your sexless marriage.
Porsha Jones, LMFT
Pjones @ GROWcounseling.com
