Ready for a surprise? Multiple studies have found that most couples experience a decline in marriage satisfaction during the first three years after a baby is born. Now that doesn’t mean that the parents aren’t thrilled about their new little one, it means that the couple’s emotional connectedness, passion and romance, often to take a hit. They make a shift from being husband and wife to being mom and dad.

Unfortunately, for many couples, this becomes the new norm. If you’re not careful, it’s easy to let marriages become child-centered. As children grow, their lives tend to get busier and their needs can feel urgent, making it difficult to focus on the marriage.

You’re not doing your family any favors by letting your marriage become child-centered.

Children thrive when they have parents who focus on the marital relationship.They have a greater sense of structure and secure attachment. Children in thriving, marriage-centered families tend to have the best outcomes both academically and socially.

Here are some signs that your marriage may be child-centered:

• You feel over scheduled and consumed by your child’s activities.
• Your marriage is lacking the intimacy that it once had.
• The majority of communication with your spouse is about your children.
• You get more joy out of spending time with your children than with your spouse.
• You feel like you are competing with your children for your spouse’s attention.

If any of these are familiar to you, then it’s time to take action for your family.

Start by having a heart to heart talk with your spouse about your concerns. Next, plan a date night…just you and your spouse. No kids. Here a few simple rules for your date night:

• Have fun.
• Be flirtatious.
• Focus on your spouse. Be curious. Ask questions. Really listen to the answers.
• Stay away from discussions about the kids, bills, or any other of life’s day to day stresses.

Your marriage is the bedrock of your family. Make it a priority.

Written By: Jackie Dunagan, LAMFT