Since the birth of Facebook over a decade ago, it has grown from circulating among a few universities and businesses and is now incorporated as a part of most Americans everyday life. According to The Statistics Portal, Facebook is the number one leader in social media, now reaching 1.59 billion active users worldwide.
As a marriage and family therapist, this number indicates that almost all of the couples I treat are impacted by Facebook. Of course Facebook use can be a “loving” tool for many couples to profess their love for each other to friends and family and share their special moments with their community. It is the “unloving” side of Facebook use that can damage to your relationship.
Specifically, intimacy can be damaged by inappropriate use of Facebook by a partner.
Intimacy is what I consider the heart of a relationship. It pumps closeness, emotional safety, trust, respect and love throughout the relationship. Most people consider intimacy to mean sexual interactions between partners. That is only one aspect of intimacy. Other forms of intimacy include intellectual, experiential and emotional.
Facebook use can disrupt a couple’s mental capacity to share thoughts and ideas, spend time enjoying mutual activities and comfortably sharing feelings and empathy with each other.
Below are some tips to help you avoid damaging the intimacy in your relationship with Facebook use.
- Have the “Facebook talk” – Discuss with your partner if Facebook would be healthy for your relationship. If you are in a new relationship, or in a fragile place, it may not be wise to have individual Facebook accounts at that time.
- Limit your use – Agree with your partner on an appropriate daily time limit (I recommend 30min) to be spent on Facebook. Couples are already limited on the available time they have to spend together due to work schedules, children and extracurricular activities. Facebook overuse will make it very difficult to connect with each other during those free moments.
- Maintain healthy boundaries – Respect your partner by being thoughtful about what you post and what you “like.” Intimacy could be at risk in your relationship if you breed an atmosphere of jealousy, ambiguity or insecurity with your Facebook use.
- Activate a joint account – This can create an opportunity to spend healthy time with each other while using Facebook. It will also help eliminate transparency issues and increase trust.
Porsha Jones, LMFT
Pjones @ GROWcounseling.com
