As an “emotional storm” is approaching, negative thoughts may begin to take hold of you and cause intense feelings of fear, anger, panic or loss of control.
You may think things like:
“I’m in danger.”
“I’m trapped.”
“I’m all alone.”
We are a society that loves to acquire. So when loss comes (as it inevitably will) we find ourselves generally ill-equipped to respond.
Learning to engage the deep relaxation response of your body and mind can greatly reduce stress and anxiety. The relaxation response is the complete opposite of the fight or flight response, which is the physical response to danger. Unfortunately, our bodies and minds cannot tell the difference between physical danger and psychological stress; thus, we experience the fight or flight response when we are stressed in any way. The relaxation response decreases heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing, allowing us to feel less anxious and calmer.
If you’re struggling with infertility, you’ve no doubt heard that stress is a factor. You’ve probably also heard health care providers and other well-meaning people say “just relax,” which is about the least helpful thing someone can say to you when you’re struggling with managing the stress of trying to get pregnant, whether through natural means or infertility treatments. In our busy, achievement-minded culture, most people don’t realize the amount of chronic stress they endure and how it affects their physical body, particularly the hormonal system.
The holidays are a difficult time when you’re in the midst of dealing with infertility. Everywhere you turn, there are children and families enjoying Santa and gifts and celebrations. If you are longing to be a parent, your grief may be triggered as your inability to do so may become more pronounced. This complicates the grieving process that is already built into infertility and the treatment journey.
Grief is a normal part of life. With every loss we experience, however large or small, there is a grieving process that ensues. We may not always be consciously aware that we are grieving or we may not allow it, but grief is there. And if we don’t grieve fully, it will harm us in the long run, popping up in unexpected ways.
If you are struggling with pregnancy-related issues, do you ever wonder what happened to your wonderful life? What happened to the fun-loving, happy-go-lucky “you” that enjoyed life before you found out you couldn’t get pregnant? I always assumed, like most other women, that I would find the love of my life, get married and have several children without any trouble. Nobody ever plans on not being able to become a mother when one is ready.
