“My husband and I are constantly arguing about which of our parenting philosophies is the best. He is more rigid and expects the kids to do whatever he says because he says so, and I am way more laid back and want to let them just be kids. Is he right, or am I?”
Permissive — Authoritative — Authoritarian
Not to be confused with the Authoritarian approach, the Authoritative Parent can best be described as a happy medium between the Permissive Parent and the Authoritarian Parent. The Authoritative Parent has developed the ability to set firm, consistent boundaries with their children while in the process being able to communicate a warm and loving atmosphere.
Children of authoritative parents know that they are loved and know what they can and cannot do because of the consistency of the parameters they have. The authoritative parent does not take the stance of “because I said so.” Rather, this parent is able to converse with their child and try to communicate an understanding of their perspective. The underlying theme of this approach is to communicate the “why” of a decision rather than the “what”. This tool is an extremely effective avenue for a child to develop a greater sense of acceptance and confidence because they are able to connect the dots. This parent may flex a bit on their boundaries and rules once they’ve taken into account their child’s wishes, but they will still enforce their limitations based on what they think is best for their child. The key to this process is communicating a warm and loving atmosphere through their tone and body language, while enforcing consistent boundaries.
Children of Authoritative Parents are more likely to:
- Be socially competent
- Have higher self esteem
- Have higher academic achievements
- Be more confident
- Become more autonomous
- Become more responsible
- Learn how to healthily engage in conversation
- Have fewer mental health problems
For a more in depth look at the Authoritative Parent style, check out this article.
You can also read the previous posts from this series:
Which Parenting Style is Best?
Nick Hersey, LAMFT, LAPC
nhersey@ GROWcounseling.com
