“My husband and I are constantly arguing about which of our parenting philosophies is the best. He is more rigid and expects the kids to do whatever he says because he says so, and I am way more laid back and want to let them just be kids. Is he right, or am I?”
Permissive — Authoritative — Authoritarian
Characterized by an extremely strict form of parenting, the Authoritarian Parent is one who rules with the “iron fist”. This parent leaves no room for discussion and demands obedience in all situations. Much like the Permissive Parent, the authoritarian parent doesn’t necessarily lack love for their child, they simply show it in a much different manner. And oftentimes, these parents haven’t developed the ability to express their love in a healthier fashion.
The Authoritarian Parent believes that obedience is the most important attitude a child should have. Screaming, hitting, or even throwing things are usually the only tools they have to maintain control of their children, thus creating a relationship based on fear. The authoritarian parent doesn’t value discussion with their child about flexibility over rules and expectations. Rather, they expect their child to obey them without question, simply because they say so. These parents are typically described as being harsh and rigid. They rarely convey affection to their child and the most often communicated emotion is anger.
More often than not this type of parenting is a result of one’s own upbringing and culture. Authoritarian parents tend to perpetuate the same parenting styles they grew up with, rather than rebelling from their upbringing. Because of the strict nature of obedience that is the underlying theme of the authoritarian philosophy, deviations from this style are difficult.
Children of authoritarian parents often develop into adults who hold a high esteem for authority. They tend to:
- Have difficulty making decisions on their own
- Have low self-esteem
- Struggle with their own anger
- Have difficulty in social settings
For a more in depth description of the authoritarian philosophy, check out The Positive Parenting Center.
Nick Hersey, LAMFT, LAPC
nhersey@ GROWcounseling.com
