A child can easily get trapped in the war and conflict of two parents getting a divorce. Some thoughts of children caught between parental conflicts could be “I need to fix the problem” or “I’m the reason they are fighting”. Neither of which are true from an adult perspective but children experience divorce much different than adults. The best gift you can give your child when divorcing their parent is to do so respectfully and peacefully in the child’s presence. Here are some tips to navigate parenting together while separating from each other:
- Stay away from viewing interactions with the children as a parenting completion almost always in divorce everyone either wins or loses together.
- Separate parenting issues from legal issues i.e. disagreeing on the time of pick-up of the children is a parenting issue not a legal issue.
- Try to resolve disagreements outside of court.
- Don’t rely on the judge to solve your family problems because most often the judge’s ruling makes family problems more intense.
- Stop fighting to protect your children (except for in situations of abuse) the fighting is what is hurting your children.
- Address the deep emotional hurt you feel instead of covering it up with a dangerously destructive battle with the other parent.
- You cannot divorce your role as parents so a good co-parenting relationship between parents will always be important for the children’s well-being.
Adapted from uptoparents.org
Jennifer Wilmoth, LAMFT
jwilmoth@ GROWcounseling.com
